There is one single person in the entire world that has the power to take control over me. This person’s will is my command, and I have no power to go against it. I feel powerless, like a puppet that is pulled by the strings, each time this person needs something. I felt pulled from down under and brought into the sunlight, and I felt the painful fall into the darkness, where disappointment, pain and sufferance clawed my soul. All of these happening at the decision of this single person. Love, happiness, gratitude, fulfillment, they were all present if this person allowed them.
She pushed me to madly fall in love, to forget who I was, entirely changing for the person I loved. I was allowed to see what it was like to share my soul with another warm being and live some of the most beautiful moments of my life. But, she forgot to tell me to be caution, because love can hurt a lot. So when I ended up alone and deserted, she wasn’t there to tell me everything was going to be okay. It was just the darkness around me, the pain and sorrow, the disappointment and regret that I couldn’t do anything about it. Why did she pick that person for me? Why wasn’t she there to look over my shoulder?
Also, when I had the chance to be happy, when I could finally have the opportunity to see the world, she decided that was wrong. She thought it was better to say no to all these things, just to pick another intricate path for me, a path that was about to lead to nowhere. I felt like a looser when I saw that the road she pushed me to follow was not as imagined. She promised me that things will be perfect, but she lied. And so, another chance to do something amazing was lost. She disappears when I need her the most, leaving me alone with the bitterness. I suppose she hates waiting and doesn’t have too much patience, leaving me to deal with the countless hours that pass until the sun appears again.
It is so quite without her, like some part of me is missing, but when she comes around, with another idea or plan, things go insane again. Why is she so mean? Why is she making a masochist out of me? Don’t I deserve a better life? She is making me insane, and I don’t know how much I will be able to take anymore. I need to do something but my hands are tied behind my back. I want to scream and shout out loud, to tell her that I deserve more. I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be loved, so she should be more careful about the decisions she takes. Stumbling around the room, trying to find a quite place where I could hear my thoughts, I came across a mirror. Finally, I manage to see her. She is me.